My Thoughts on Today

I know you will be shocked since I’m not the blogger but I thought today I would write my thoughts down.  A year without Dad…it’s hard to believe.  Some days have been harder than others, but overall it has surprised me how much my Dad has constantly been on my mind.  Of course the big days were hard (the holidays, our birthdays, and especially Allie’s birth), but it was the little moments that I would think of him and smile or cry that caught me off guard.  When I was at a Cardinals game and Yadier Molina made an awesome play and my first thought was to pick up the phone and call him.  When the Tigers won their first and only Football game and he wasn’t there beside us.  When I found the Tomatoes and Macaroni recipe I thought I had lost and then made it for the first time.  When I broke down in the middle of singing “Glorious Day” on Father’s Day at church not b/c it was Father’s Day so much, but because I was so thankful that Christ lived and died for me.  That one day He is coming and being so overwhelmed by the fact that because of this my earthly Father is now in heaven with my Heavenly Father.  Everyone says that grief is difficult but, as a Christian, I’ve found that for every sad and lonely moment I have had over the past year it has been met with comfort and peace knowing that I have not seen my Father for the last time.  To be honest, it is hard some days to be happy that he is with Jesus now but mainly for my own selfish reasons of wanting him here with us.  I miss a lot of things about him… his back road driving, calling him and asking “What’s for supper?,” watching sports with him, seeing him covered in flour making Chicken and Dumplings, seeing him sitting in his chair with a dog on him, listening to him share facts about history, hearing him tell my mom not to spend too much shopping but then being calm when she comes home with bags of more country things for the house and items for the grandkids, his big grin, and most of all his wisdom.  I could go on and on.  Things I’m thankful for… 30 years of having him here with me, having him walk me down the aisle at my wedding, learning what it means to be a faithful Christian by watching him, the fact that he got to meet his grandsons and knew about the other two grandchildren that were on the way, the time Drew got to spend with him and the knowledge he still has of Pawpaw.  Drew brings him up in the most random of moments, a lot of times when we are driving in the car.  His favorite thing to mention is when one of us drives a different route from my house to my parents then the one he was used to taking with Pawpaw.  He brings him up a lot when I am tucking him into bed at night.  He asks about heaven b/c of it and I’m thankful that it has provided me the opportunities to tell him about Jesus.  I’ve learned that it is very difficult to sometimes answer all the questions and I’ve been forced to think about my faith on a very childlike level which has taught me a lot.  The most touching moment was when Drew told me he thought that mommies and daddies and their children should all go to heaven at the same time.  I tried explaining that God takes us all in his timing and that sometimes he still has things for us to accomplish here on earth( like Daddy taking care of sick kids).   Drew proceeds to tell me that he understood but he liked his way better!  I know I could say a lot more but I will just end by saying please continue to pray for us and especially my mom as she continues to adjust to life without Dad.  On my way to work this morning, I turned on the radio and the first song I heard was “I Can Only Imagine.”  I’ve heard it hundreds of times, but today I still cried listening to it thinking that for me I can only imagine but for my sweet Daddy he has believed and is now seeing face to face the majesty and glory of God.--Katie