Round 2

Four and a half years ago my mother fought and won her battle against breast cancer. On Valentine's Day two weeks ago she found out that it has returned and a rematch has been scheduled. In the left corner is breast cancer. In the right, my mother, Sherrye Yaun. She is a brave and valiant fighter. I can't even type this words without breaking down in tears. She came through the first time and beat it. She was approaching five years of survivorship and we thought maybe it was over. A couple months ago she noticed a rash on her chest. It didn't go away with conventional treatment and a skin biopsy confirmed that it was breast cancer that had spread to her skin. Luckily her mammogram and her PET/CT scan were both negative and did not show any other disease. However, since it is on the skin it is considered metastatic, likely dormant cells from the first cancer that are just now showing their face. I know she can and will beat it again. I wish so much that she didn't have to go through this again. Her first bout was a few months before Drew was born and now this again so soon after Allie was born. It feels wholly unfair. She loves being a Gigi- I don't dare to call her a grandmother- to Drew and Allie. I don't know why both have had to come so soon to the birth of my children. Just as I wrote they are a blessing for me considering what I have gone through, I know she feels the same way. She has always been a great mother and person and she was so strong the first time and I know she will be again. Her courage and strength has been more than admirable in all that she has endured. I have been fortunate enough to accompany her on most of her doctor's visits thus far. It has been a joy to spend time with my family as this has brought us closer together again already as these kinds of things do for us. My mom, my dad, my sister, and I were all together again as the doctor gave her the news of the cancer and then again the her imaging was at least clear of anything else. We cried together and we went out to celebrate together. I was able to join her during her first chemo treatment this last Friday. It has been so difficult being a son and also being a doctor. Luckily I have millions of articles and journals at my fingertips, but this also creates more worry and questions. The first time we went through this I was just a medical student who could barely understand. Now I am a pediatrics resident, and although I understand the lingo, the world of breast cancer is enormous. Then there are the things beyond the medical aspects. The human, emotional, spiritual, and personal aspects. Why her? Why again? Why now? Why our family again? I have been at St. Jude this month and it has been hard at times. This has compounded that. I have seen a newly diagnosed 18 year old who has come in with his mother and reminds me so much of my experience. I was 18 years old and my mother stopped her life to take care of me at the time. I wish I had recorded more thoughts and things from my experience. I was going through old emails the other night that I had sent Katie at the time it was going on. I should have had a blog back then. I feel like what I went through was nothing compared to what these kids and my mom have been through. I'm sure some if it survivor's guilt, but sometimes it feels like it occured in another time and another place, that it wasn't me, that it didn't really happen. Of course it did happen. I have the pictures to prove it. Drew is just now becoming aware that there are pictures up where I have no hair. I told a ten year old boy and his mother just the other day about what I went through. He was wearing a toboggan to sleep in and I was reminded that I used to do the same thing, even in the summer. Today she thanked me for sharing and said that it was nice to see someone who had gone through something similar to be in this position today. It is still hard to share my experience. I fear that I too will one day face this thing again. I know during my experience one of the hardest parts was thinking about how things affected my parents. I know my mother is feeling the same way about how it is affecting me and my sister. It will be a long and hard journey for my mother and for our family. I know that my mother will be strong and demonstrate her faith and strength once again. Please pray for her and my family as the battle starts all over again.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8 he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.
9 The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. 10 But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business.
12 Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:2-12